Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
