I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
