the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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