its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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