That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
