If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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