i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
