God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
