i think my mom watched the whole time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
