I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
