Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
