god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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