So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize