shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
