Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
