Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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