If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dick very happy bro
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
