i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
