my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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