sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
