I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
