Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
