Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
