You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
