The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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