Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
