He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
