My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
