I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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