is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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