I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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