If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
