Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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