Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
