Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
