But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
