At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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