Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
