you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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