We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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