shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Randomize
