Cold hands, warm shart.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
