hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
