2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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