Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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