i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
