guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
