Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
