he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize