Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
