well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
