What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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