Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish i was in the wii world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
