It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
