if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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