she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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