i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
