Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
