With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
