There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
