So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize