We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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