my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
