You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
