I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
