the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
