So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
