if only i could text you this smell
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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