Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
