Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
