well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
