"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
