Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize