i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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