Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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