I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
