he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
