I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
