This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize