Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
