did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
