I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
