I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
