what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
