Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
