ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
