dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
