just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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