Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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