Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is wine microwaveable?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
