You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
