when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How does one acquire holy water?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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