It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
