he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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