so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
