we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
